So yesterday I let you in on the happiness expensive socks and underwear can bring, well tonight I'm going to take your happiness to the next level. This time it's on the graphic nature of personal cleaning.
Toilet paper in some way or another has been the same since the mid to late 500's (look it up) Paper to wipe our ass has not improved in around 1550 years , not months , not weeks, not days but over a thousand and 500 hundred years!!! Sure the french have tried to get us to clean our butts with their "bidets" and they gotten us with their fries and toast and we all love their kiss, nice try Frenchies, nice try but no bidet for this guy.
So it's back to plain paper like a chump. With toilet paper you have to ask yourself the most important question 1 ply , 2 ply or 3 ply ( really 3 ply, my quilt isn't even 3 ply) and 1 ply is a mistake you only make one time! Once your finger pokes through you never go back not even once! So two ply it is , but wait what's this? Personal adult wet wipes? Umm ok, but what am I some big baby or a chick? Why the hell would I want to use something that is wet , then I remembered we wipe our children's butts with them, now you have my attention Mr. wipes, now you have my attention!
Since I couldn't find 3 sea shells ( movie joke) I thought why the hell not? So now I wait, and wait, and wait, and I think I need more fiber in my diet. Time passes and my phone battery is almost dead but ... then.. there we go I'm a big boy now! Now the moment of truth, the moment to see what all the fuss was about these personal adult wet wipes......... just then the heavens opened up and God floated down on a cloud made of hopes and dream, along for the ride was his one son Mr. Jesus.
When they arrived upon my butt it was as though we were under a mystical waterfall where the water wasn't water oh no the water was from the tears of unicorns and God turned to his son Mr. Jesus and said "son wipe this mans ass with these tears of unicorns and finish up with the clouds of hopes and dreams". When Mr. Jesus was done he and his father Mr. God floated back to heaven but just before the heavens closed up, a ray of heavenly sunshine shone upon my ass as though all of heaven gave it a kiss.
So if you want a little bit more of happiness in your life or just want to know what it's like to have Mr. Jesus wipe your ass I suggest you try a personal wet wipe. If it's good enough for your kids, it's good enough for your old ass.
More advise from your friendly neighbourhood Casey
https://www.facebook.com/casey.chourney/posts/10151988549652809?stream_ref=10
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