Casey Chourney.com

A very Happy Valentine's Day to my new bride Kate Mara...

A very Happy Valentine's Day to my new bride Kate Mara

- I was looking for one in a million, I found one in a lifetime.

To my Ex-wife Kate Upton

- It was good while it lasted...oh sooo good, but we both know I don't do beaches well and you are always having photo shoots in places that burn off the first 9 layers of my skin in under 3 minutes so I wish you nothing but happiness Keep on dancing for the love of god please keep on dancing.

To my girlfriend Evangeline Lilly

- I still get LOST in your eyes after all this time and your freckles still drive my crazy, Have a great day my Vangie.

To my mistress Olivia Munn

- I've never met anyone who can make me laugh the way that you do. I cherish every moment we get to spend together.

To my Best friend with benefits Zooey Deschanel

- Every day I see your smile , your enchanting smile it warms my heart and I love every time I catch you singing to yourself and you don't care and keep singing. Have an awesome day

To all the ladies in my life, I wish you all a wonderful Valentine's Day ....(Call Me)

Another little piece of the happiness pie.

Another little piece of the happiness pie.

So yesterday I let you in on the happiness expensive socks and underwear can bring, well tonight I'm going to take your happiness to the next level. This time it's on the graphic nature of personal cleaning.

Toilet paper in some way or another has been the same since the mid to late 500's (look it up) Paper to wipe our ass has not improved in around 1550 years , not months , not weeks, not days but over a thousand and 500 hundred years!!! Sure the french have tried to get us to clean our butts with their "bidets" and they gotten us with their fries and toast and we all love their kiss, nice try Frenchies, nice try but no bidet for this guy.

So it's back to plain paper like a chump. With toilet paper you have to ask yourself the most important question 1 ply , 2 ply or 3 ply ( really 3 ply, my quilt isn't even 3 ply) and 1 ply is a mistake you only make one time! Once your finger pokes through you never go back not even once! So two ply it is , but wait what's this? Personal adult wet wipes? Umm ok, but what am I some big baby or a chick? Why the hell would I want to use something that is wet , then I remembered we wipe our children's butts with them, now you have my attention Mr. wipes, now you have my attention!

Since I couldn't find 3 sea shells ( movie joke) I thought why the hell not? So now I wait, and wait, and wait, and I think I need more fiber in my diet. Time passes and my phone battery is almost dead but ... then.. there we go I'm a big boy now! Now the moment of truth, the moment to see what all the fuss was about these personal adult wet wipes......... just then the heavens opened up and God floated down on a cloud made of hopes and dream, along for the ride was his one son Mr. Jesus.

When they arrived upon my butt it was as though we were under a mystical waterfall where the water wasn't water oh no the water was from the tears of unicorns and God turned to his son Mr. Jesus and said "son wipe this mans ass with these tears of unicorns and finish up with the clouds of hopes and dreams". When Mr. Jesus was done he and his father Mr. God floated back to heaven but just before the heavens closed up, a ray of heavenly sunshine shone upon my ass as though all of heaven gave it a kiss.

So if you want a little bit more of happiness in your life or just want to know what it's like to have Mr. Jesus wipe your ass I suggest you try a personal wet wipe. If it's good enough for your kids, it's good enough for your old ass.

More advise from your friendly neighbourhood Casey

https://www.facebook.com/casey.chourney/posts/10151988549652809?stream_ref=10

Want to know the key to happiness?

Want to know the key to happiness?

..... Expensive socks and underwear.
As a child and teenager the thought of getting socks and underwear as a gift was like asking the neighbourhood bully for an extra beating because you thought he was holding back and could do better.

"You call that a punch? Com'n and try you pussy! Do I need to get my grandmother out here to show you how's it's done?" Now as an adult the thought of SPENDING money on socks and underwear is like paying a hooker just to watch you masturbate. Sooo, one usually spends very little on socks and underwear. I remember spending $6.99 for a set of 12 socks, that's just over $1.70 a pair. I thought I was happy, I thought I was a smart shopper, until that is, until I spent some real money on expensive socks and underwear and now I can clearly say I was oh the fool for thinking socks and underwear din't need to be nice or well built. Now, ...now it's like I'M beating up the bully and the hooker is PAYING me (she's still only watching me masturbate) or even better the hooker is paying me to watch her beat up the bully. Just saying.

You want to be happy ? Buy good socks and underwear, beat up your school bully and never pay a hooker. (to watch you masturbate)

Advice from your friendly neighbourhood (well socked and underweared) Casey

https://www.facebook.com/casey.chourney/posts/10151986568167809?stream_ref=10

Merry Christmas

Happy birthday Jesus.
I got you some new sandals and and 5 cases of water (you know the whole water to wine thing) since you're a carpenter I was going to get you a hammer and nails but I know how you feel about nails

Merry Christmas to all my family and friends near and far. I wish for you all a loved filled joyful holiday.